I'm staying up late on purpose to dry my nails. Silly yes.. but that is the truth. It is also the end of my post since I am exhausted.

Well, not home, home, that was sold when I was six, but I am coming back to the Virginia at the end of this month. I need to escape my current surroundings for a little while. My original plan didn't work out, but the universe helped find another way. Thank you, Guardian Elf man!!

This is just what the doctor ordered.... Actually, the doctored order some ice cream for me, but I digress... I am going to Virginia. I think I actually did a happy dance all the way home from my Mom's house.

2010 is looking like a much better year than 2009.. I think I will keep it that way.

The plan for this morning was to take Mom to work and then go to work myself. The big problem with that plan was that my wallet was at home. As a result, I am at home eating my breakfast and reflecting on the last week. I was once again overwhelmed and at the end of my rope. The fact that this has become a recurrent experience only adds to the stress of it.

I really hate that the teacher next door is interfering in the affairs of my classroom. On Thursday, my fifth period were out of control so I let them have it. I mentioned it to her on Friday morning. I was venting to a colleague so that I would be ready to face a new day with the same kids. She went and spoke to the kids. In fifth period I got a card from them saying they were sorry. This really brighten my day and we had a great class. I was so excited that I showed to a couple of other teachers thinking that what I said had really gotten through to them. Then she tells me she knew about it and talked to the kids. My heart broke a little and now the card doesn't seem to sparkle the way it did.

It isn't the first time she has interfered in my class or in what is going on in other classrooms. I feel that she is acting more like an administrator than a teacher and she isn't giving me or the other teachers the respect. All of this is very frustrating to me on top of everything else. It feels like I have been trapped in an avalanche and every time I dig myself out just getting to the surface again, it collapses again.

This whole year I feel like I haven't been living up to my potential and not accomplishing what I have set out to do. I know I can do my job and I know that I can excel at it. Right now, I am not doing that and my students are suffering. There is a way for me to do better on a consistent better. I need to find it and find it quickly before I go insane.

Or more insane depending on who talk with.

Blah... I say blah!!

Up past bedtime - Bad
Almost caught up on student papers - Good
More purple dye in my hair - Priceless

This morning my Grandmother passed away. The news has left me in some shock or at least that is what my Mom thinks. Maybe she is right, all I know is that my grandmother who was suffering is no longer in pain. She is probably in heaven right telling Saint Peter to let her in now, because she has reservations. She was a lady not because her mother raised her that way, but because she choose to be one. She sought out culture and education.

She wasn't perfect. In the seventies she didn't think my grandfather was giving her enough money she decided to cook the books and embezzle what she needed and wanted. She would often hide her purchases from my grandfather so well that she would often forget about them. At Christmas, she would get mad when the presents she had brought weren't opened. My mother and aunt would have to go hunting through the closets to find whatever she had stashed away.

She and I never really connected the way I did with my maternal grandmother. I do love her though and strangely one of my best memories of her will be the last memory of her sitting in her sun room talking. She repeated everything she said about ten times. She was out of her mind, but to me all of the meanness that she had for years was no longer there. All there was love.

I feel blessed to have had that morning with her.

There was no journaling for me yesterday. I went out with Zee for the day. I was exhausted all day, but still had a good time. We watched three movies after we ran some errands.

Last night over ice cream and dinner with my folks, my happy (my happy thought) started peeking out at me. Today in second period, I found it. It is hard to explain how it happened. One moment I was watching my students work and the next moment we were all laughing our heads off. I think that moment when I not only found my happy, but shared it with my students.

Now that my happy is back, I feel like I am on top of the world. I feel like I can handle everything that is going on in my life. I can do this!!

Today in school, I... to be honest I didn't do much. We had guest speakers all day. I haven't even graded any student work. Well, a paper or two, but that was it. On the whole, it was a mixed nuts day.

This morning I woke up with a migraine. I let myself sleep longer than I normally would because of the speakers today. I wanted just to take things easy anyway. The stress that has been plaguing me this past few weeks has been taking its toll. Mentally, I am just not recharging very well these days. After getting myself out the door, I managed to forget my lunch and my wallet. I turned my car around and came back to the house. I got my wallet and in the process locked my keys in my car and forgot lunch.

With my car keys locked in the car, along with my phone, decided to see if Denny could help me out. Course, no phone means no warning and a naked Denny meet me at the door. He called AAA and in a half n hour I was on my way.

Oh, did I mention that my fish died this morning. Yep, a mixed nuts day. After school, I didn't feel like doing much, none of the teachers did. I did look at one student paper, which made me smile. She really tried to do well. It made my day.

A long day at work and my brain is all wacky. I love what I do for a living and I wonder what the hell I am doing at times. There is a lot going through my head as always. My friend Dave says that I am always stressed. I don't like that description of myself, but I see where it is accurate. So I am going back to square one with a lot of aspects of my life.

Back to square one right means writing everyday and getting my feeling out. It means a return to daily prayer and of course exercise.

Well, my brain has decided quite wisely that I need some sleep. So good world, I'll write soon.